94 WARRIORS

021910

0935 Hours

With the urge to retire from online activity for the remainder of the decade constantly being fueled by the shallow offerings of the mainstream media and most people who are killing social networking sites, I offer possibly the last nugget of the inside world of the awkwardly handsome, heavy-set, five-foot-six-inch tower of a man (figuratively of course) that roams free somehow in the sadlands of the Red Lake Nation.  But if I read about another “relevant” reality star looking tragically skinny and looking for cocaine, I will pull a J.D. Salinger and never come out again!  You feel me?

Though I haven’t dominated the universe like I thought I would’ve when I was 13, hopefully I’ve spawned a few ideas that have inspired at least seven souls.  I mean, it’s the least I could do to thank the Great Spirit for blessing me with below-average looks and a body to be admired by zero.  But being that I just turned three-four, I really should consider getting it out of second gear. 

The recent offering from websites, TV, movies, books has me considering a different avenue for my daily input of knowledge.  Right now, I’ll only read a column from Bill Simmons, a blog by Whitney Matheson, Twitter feeds from Dalton Walker, Tashina Banks, John Mayer, read a semi-dailyUSA Today and that’s about it.  Facebook is slowly turning in to a farming community where you can only “likes this (thumbs up)” but can’t “hates this (middle fingers up)” and I haven’t signed in on MySpace regularly in months because some people should lose their Photoshop privileges immediately. 

And TMZ can suck it!  I tried watching their show where everyone has to impress the boss and not mention his thinning, dyed hair and soccer mom yoga cup.  I sat there waiting for breaking news and ended up saying, “That’s it?  Krah!” after a clip.

As for Perez Hilton, I’ve pretty much ignored him from the mother-effen giddy-up!  If you ignore someone long enough, they cease to exist in your mind.  I suggest everyone join me in this one.  Or have the BEP manager slap him every day.  Now that was some news!  Also, I noticed Mr. Hilton on The Sopranos in maybe the second or third season so his cool/relevant status just went up a few points in my book to negative 597, which still leaves him at the bottom of the cool/relevant barrel.  Of course the Jon R. cool/ relevant barrel goes like the hurt/pain scale; 1 is uncool/irrelevant such as Spencer Pratt, and 10 is the coolest/most relevant like Jack Nicholson.  (I rate as a 1.33 on the scale somehow.)

With all of that being said, I feel slightly cleansed.  Kind of like a shower after a hard night of shenanigans, ballyhoo and tomfoolery. 

Riding these roads, or as the city folk call them, “streets” of Red Lake, I notice a lot of impurities of the fine people of this great nation.  Some corrupted by certain colors, some by addiction, most by ignorance.  These are the scenes of the “Rez”, man.  These scenes make me appreciate the little things, the small incidents I can control.  I’d rather come home to squabbling kids that don’t want to go to bed early on a school night than be draped in certain colors while addicted to something and not realizing it.  Why wouldn’t everyone want to have such small problems like mine?  But what can you do, you know?  One has to wonder if it will continue this way.  I’m thinking there are quite a few that want to change the ways of Red Lake.  I know there are.  I see them everywhere, man.  It will happen.

Ho wah!  The urge to retire has somewhat subsided… for now.